Our friend J is really smart

G, our friend J, and I went backpacking in Tennessee over the long weekend. There were a lot of high points - seeing a bear, getting a new tent, not sustaining any major injuries, enjoying the view of Watuaga Lake from the trail, not getting rained on (unlike last time). However, my favorite story has nothing to do with the hike at all.

We drove up on Thursday night and camped on the carport at G's brother K's place. We spent Friday with K and his family (you might remember our niece and nephew, M and D). It was such a nice day. We didn't have any plans, which was great. My sister-in-law* made delicious meals for us (including square bagels for breakfast), we toured all their home projects (and boy, can we relate), we played games (I can proudly say that I won my first game of chess ever against my seven year old niece), and we just hung out.

At one point, G and I were laying on the couch with M. Our friend J, who had not met this part of G's family before, walked into the room. He was going to look at the guidebook to learn more about our upcoming hike route. As he walked under the ceiling fan, he reached up and pulled the chain to turn on the light.

M looked over at us and said, in an awed tone, "J knows everything about fans."

G and I lost it. J hadn't heard what she said, and I almost couldn't repeat it because I was laughing so hard. It really gave me the giggles.

And that was the highlight of the trip.

*I don't typically use "in law" terminology because I feel like it's a little alienating or formal or something. However, sister-in-law is much easier than G's brother's wife, which just sounds weird, like maybe I've never met her.

Turned tables

A friend of a friend (I'll call him C) is getting ready to take the dental school entrance exam. We were out one night, and as often happens when you've had a beer or two, the conversation turned to math. And not just any math - nerdy math. As in, "So how would you define all odd numbers? Would it be 2x - 1? Why does it have to be 2x?" That was C; I got all excited by the mention of a variable and began explaining why multiplying x by 2 was necessary for a proper definition.

So, yeah, in case you didn't know, I'm a total math nerd. My dream job would be solving math problems all day.* It's better than Sudoku.

Anyway, he was impressed with my enthusiasm (at one point I actually drew out a diagram on a bar napkin) and asked if I would help him with the math section of the dental exam.

Our first session was last weekend, and he was a joy to teach. We were doing some practice problems he had a hard time with on his own. I was explaining the techniques I would use to solve them, and then we were solving them together. When we would get to the end of the problem, he would invariably give me some sort of positive feedback.

"Nice job!"
"Good one!"
"That was awesome!"

I'm usually the one giving the encouragement to students, not the other way around. It was very nice. I left feeling really smart. Maybe I should require that kind of feedback of my students.

I know what I need - a tip jar.

* If you know of a job like that, let me know. I'd really like to have it.

Walkie - TALKIE

G and I went to Target last night. Before we began shopping, I used the restroom (not as a sort of ritual or anything - I just needed to go). I dried my hands and started to walk out, past a Target worker who was at the sink. As I walked past her she started giggling. I of course thought she was laughing at me since I was the only other person in the room. Do I have toilet paper trailing from my shoe?

I turned to look at her and she said, "Oh, I'm just laughing at what they're saying on the walkie."

She was wearing a headset that presumably was attached to an in-store communication system. I'm not sure if you call that a walkie-talkie, but I'm totally sure you don't call it a walkie.

I gave her a half smile to indicate that I understood. As I exited the restroom, she began giggling again and talking to herself under her breath.

Technology seems to give people a license to behave in ways that would cause them to be labelled "crazy" if they didn't have some device strapped to their head. Don't get me started on i-pods and cell phones. And now I have to add walkie to that list.

The answering machine in my office is one that talks to you between messages. The digital voice (male) tells you how many messages you have, whether the messages are new or old, and what time a particular message was left. It also gives instructions on how to erase messages.

To erase a message, you push the button marked "erase." Then the voice says, "To erase all messages press erase again." Right after you push "erase" the second time, the machine says, "No messages remaining."

The pause between no and messages is so long that the first couple (dozen) times I heard this, I thought the answering machine was telling me that I couldn't erase those messages. Like maybe it wasn't allowed.

Today I also heard it say, "No new messages." Again with the long pause. Someone should have ironed this out before this machine hit the market. Such a negative vibe.

Runners up

Well, we didn't win last night. We ended up with second place. Or as our trophy says, "Runner-up."

We beat the first team we played, and then we beat the second team we played. Unfortunately, since this was a double-elimination tournament, you had to lose twice to be knocked out. That second team we played hadn't lost yet (they're the team that put us in the loser's bracket), which meant that in order to win the tournament, we had to play them again.

We just didn't have it in us. We had beaten them easily in the first match, but while they were just warming up by the second match, we were shutting down.

It was disappointing, but we're looking forward to next season.

Wish us luck!

Tonight is the last night of our volleyball tournament. We lost last week, which put us in the loser's bracket. That means that we have to win three matches (two out of three games each) in order to win the whole thing. We think we'll have to play all three of those matches tonight. We're going to be tired puppies.

We really want to win. It's just for fun, but it's so much more fun when we win.

Public speaking 101

We had a seminar at work today. The speaker gave a long (over an hour) unorganized talk on a variety of subjects that didn't necessarily fit into a neat package. His transitions weren't smooth, and it was unclear how the various stories related to each other, if at all.

The most notable thing about his, talk, however, was the fact that his laser pointer was always on. During the whole talk. He would look at the projected slide and use the laser for emphasis. If there was a picture, he might point to something on it. If it was just text, he would wiggle it around on the slide randomly. When his gaze would move back toward the audience, the laser would drift off the slide - to the walls, the ceiling, the audience.

Note to self: Use laser pointer for emphasis only. Do not blind audience members.

Rappelling

I mentioned that our campout last weekend was at a National Guard base. One of the activities the older girls got to do was rappelling (that definitely looks like it's spelled wrong, but I checked). In case you have no idea what I'm talking about, I saw it described as "essentially sliding down [a] rope in a controlled (!) manner."

The girls have rappelled every year for as long as I've been a leader, but I haven't gotten to try it before - the first few years because my girls weren't old enough to do it, and more recently because I've been in charge of some other area of programming for the weekend.

But this year, I got to rappel!

We rappelled off a tall tower. There was a wall about 70 feet tall, with a platform above it. The picture to the right is actually the tower we were on. The wall we used is on the left side in that picture.

To rappel, the Army rappel master hooks a rope to your harness. You stand at the edge of the platform with your heels over the edge. You lean back, leading with your butt until the rope is tight and you are in an L-shape (like the guys in the picture - that's also the tower we were on). Then you start letting out rope and walking down the wall. You can also let out rope and jump off the wall.

Because I'm an adult, I was last in line. This weekend was about the girls, you know. I had watched many girls have a hard time with it. The hardest part is the leaning back. All the girls that got that far made it down the wall, although some did it in tears. Several girls didn't make it to the leaning back.

So as I said, I was last in line, and time was of the essence since the goal was to let everyone do it twice - once on the wall and once on the "skid" (you can see it on the left of the second picture - it's the bottom of a helicopter). While I expected to be nervous about it, I didn't really have time to be. I just got up there, got hooked in, put my heels of the edge, leaned back, and headed down the wall.

It was a lot of fun. I took a few steps down the wall, but then I jumped the rest of the way. That was the best part. The bad part is that it's over so fast. 70 feet flies by a lot faster than you'd think.

All of my girls tried it. Only one didn't make it down, and all but two did it twice. I was proud of them.

No food in the barracks

I took five of my Girl Scouts camping this past weekend. The event was open to all troops in our county, and it took place at a nearby National Guard base. I used the term "camping" loosely. We were not roughing it very much. Our meals were prepared for us and served in the dining hall, which was right across the street from our air conditioned barracks.

There are many rules to follow when you are staying at a military facility. One of the most emphasized rules is "no food in the barracks." On Saturday afternoon, my girls forgot this rule, and started eating trail mix in their beds. I heard the crunching and immediately reminded them of the rule. They quickly complied.

Later, as my girls observed the troop sleeping next to us eating trail mix with reckless abandon, they asked me why they couldn't eat when everyone else was. Fair question. I explained that it was a rule, and we were going to follow it. They didn't argue with me (because they are awesome!).

We woke up Sunday morning and started packing our stuff up to leave. As the neighboring troop rolled out of bed, the reason for the no food rule became clear.

There were ants everywhere.

Evidently the girls had left bags of trail mix all over the place. The ants had found all of it. They were on the floor, in duffel bags, on beds, and in sleeping bags. The girls were freaking out!

I looked at my girls and we shared a knowing smile. I think the no food rule will be questioned no more.

Go fly a kite

G has wanted a kite for a while. Ever since he shot his out of the sky with a BB gun as a kid. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I bet it was fun, but it left him kiteless.

G and I have gotten into the pleasant habit of riding our bikes to yard sales on Saturday mornings. Saturday before last, we hit the jackpot kite-wise. They had not one, but two kites. At $3 each, we figured we could spring for both. Thus began the (insert our last name here) Kite Adventures.

Our first day out was a little challenging. We only took one of the kites (the one that was labelled "sport kite," of course, the other one being rather ordinary in comparison) to simplify things. It took us a few minutes to get it up in the air, but once we did, oh my goodness, the fun.

This kite is a blast. It has two strings and two handles, and you steer it by pulling on the handles. It goes very fast (I'm sure that depends on the wind speed), and you can make it swoop and dive and twist and turn and all kinds of cool stuff. It's very exciting.

That's G flying the kite our first time out.

The second time we took it out, tragedy struck. Evidently, the wind was just too strong, and one of the strings snapped. Luckily, the second string held, so we didn't lose the kite. We just had to stop kiting for the evening.

I stopped by our local kite store (yes, all they sell are kites) to buy replacement string. $17!!! That seems a little steep for two pieces of string, but at this point, we're hooked. The guy at the store said a kite like ours would sell for about $40, so we've still only paid half retail.

The third time out, the wind was the strongest yet, and when it was my turn, I left skid marks on the ground as the kite pulled me away. I was shrieking with a combination of surprise and alarm (your hands are attached to the strings, so you can't let go), and I'm sure G was laughing as he chased me down. Luckily, the kite soon took a nose-dive to the ground, which stopped both the kite and me.

We are having a ball with our new hobby. Good thing we found something to keep ourselves busy. You know us, always just laying around.

The sell-out

We have officially sold out to the Man. Today we got cable and internet service installed in our home. Next we'll be renting movies from Blockbuster instead of the library and buying furniture from a real store instead of acquiring it from friends and family. We're turning into a couple of suckers.

Actually, it's not as bad as all that. The lack of internet at home had become a bit of hardship for G. Since he drives about 45 minutes to work everyday, he sometimes likes to work at home. The library is close, but it is also filled with homeless people who don't always respect the library rules (bringing dogs in with them, eating potato chips loudly and crinkling the bag unnecessarily, and yelling at old women).

It turns out that we could get basic cable with our internet for only an additional $5 a month. And that's basic with a capital B. I think we just get the same channels we get with rabbit ears plus C-SPAN. But we thought it was worth $5 to be able to see the expressions on the faces of the people on TV and to read the fine print during infomercials.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about our new hobby (it's not surfing the internet from the comfort of our own home).

Mr. Rogers wouldn't hate his tires

This morning I drove past the soon-to-be furniture store I dreamed I was constructing. There was a hand-made sign (spray paint on plywood) advertizing their need for workers. This is too good to be true. Maybe they need a plasterer.

Later in my drive, I was behind a very dirty car. That may sound judgemental, and I'd hate to throw stones and all that, but I was not living in a glass house this morning. I had just come from the car wash. Wild Wednesday, you know.

Anyway, someone (the owner of the car, presumably) had written several phrases in the thick layer of dust on the back of this car. The back window said "F*ck Tires," and some nonsense about "Crown B*tch" was written across the trunk (Google just taught me that Crown is a brand of speakers).

I didn't get why tires were so offensive until I pulled up next to them and saw that the car had a donut on the front. I guess tires were a sore spot.

The funny part is that this car also had a bumper sticker that said "What would Mr. Rogers do?" I don't know him personally, but I feel quite certain that he would not scrawl profanity across the back of his car. And he would go to the car wash.

Is it something I ate?

Two dream tidbits from the weekend -

I was taking a standardized test, like the SAT. This might seem weird since I haven't had to take one of those for years, but I do teach test prep courses, so it's not that strange.

I had arrived late to the test, so I was already a little stressed. I hadn't really missed anything, though, because everyone was filling out the name, address, etc. page. I sat down in my desk, searched frantically for my pencils (you must have two #2 pencils, you know), and started filling out my form.

The stress only increased when I realized I didn't know the answer to the first question. You really shouldn't have a problem with the questions on the personal information page. This wasn't looking good.

The question? Hat size.


Moose have toes. Not only do they have toes, they grow additional toes as they age. Moose are born with three toes on each foot, and they grow more (I think in groups of two or three) throughout their life, ending up with eleven on each foot as adults.

Now you know.

Creepy-crawly Friday

I was sitting at a computer today. This computer is for community-use, not mine. This will be important to you in a moment.

As I was clicking away, I saw something shoot across the desk toward me from the direction of the CPU. My reaction was to push my chair back quickly. Luckily, I was in a chair with wheels on a hard floor. If I had been sitting in a non-wheeled chair or if the floor had provided more friction, I would likely have ended up on my back with my feet in the air.

So what was it? A spider the size of a dinner plate. I may be exaggerating, but it was huge. The size of a post-it at least. (That comparison is for G. A couple of weeks ago we heard a local weather guy describe hail as being the size of a penny. We thought maybe he should compare it to something actually spherical rather than just round. So while the spider was round, I thought it would be helpful to compare it to something square. Also, I'm not familiar with any coin large enough for comparison.)

I'm not a fan of spider-killing. Isn't it bad luck or something? Well, I went in the other room to get a big cup and a piece of paper to relocate it outside, and when I came back, it was gone. I finally located it under the CPU and chased it around for a little while. Under the desk, behind the monitor, under the desk, on top of the desk, where'd it go?

I gave up and finished my work on the computer. Before I left, I looked under the CPU, and there it was again. Again, I chased it. Again, it eluded me. A coworker later told me the spider was gone. I don't think that means it was relocated.

My desk is messy, but at least it doesn't have spiders. Or if it does have spiders, at least they stick to themselves.

In case this job doesn't work out

I'm still recovering from my cold. This is a really slow-moving illness. I haven't had any of the annoying body aches, but I'm ready to be done with all this nose-blowing.

The last dream I had before I woke up this morning (it was actually in the five minutes between the first and second alarm - my sleep skills are highly amazing) involved my work on a local construction project. The building in my dream is a real building in town. It will be a furniture store. (They heard how much we've been spending at Home Depot and thought we might want to be able to throw some money their way once we're ready for furniture. Good bet.) I pass this building every now and then, and evidently it has become embedded in my subconscious because there it was in my dream.

I was putting some plaster up on the walls in my dream. I'm not sure if I worked construction full time or if this was a sort-of freelance job. It seemed that I knew what I was doing. We (I was working with a large man who wore overalls) would reach down into one of the buckets or bowls of plaster at our feet. We would scoop up the plaster, which looked like dark grey pancake batter, with our bare hands and smear it on the carpet that had been applied to the walls. It was important to make sure the pattern of the carpet (red and black swirls, by the way) wasn't visible through the plaster. That's how you know the plaster is thick enough.

That's all there is to it. G will be so happy that I've learned another building skill.

A Dreamy Post

I've been under the weather the past couple of days. G had a cold last week, and he was kind enough to share it with me. I'm getting better little by little.

I'm an excellent sleeper, but my skills have been challenged the past few nights due to congestion and restlessness. The upside of this is that I've been having (or remembering) more dreams.

Last night I remembered something that had happened that would make a great story for my blog, so I made a mental note of it. Unfortunately, I was sleeping when I made this mental note, and also, the thing I was remembering never actually happened. I was remembering a previous dream in that dream.

So, no great story today. I'll see what I can dream up tonight.

The car wash

We have a new car wash in town. It's one of those drive-through ones where you don't have to even get out of the car unless you want to vacuum (which is free, by the way). It's pretty fancy. The most exciting part about this car wash is that they have Wild Wednesday*, when a basic car wash is only $3. What a deal!

I had never been to a drive-through car wash until a couple months ago when G and I took my car through. I was excited about finally having the experience of sitting in my car while it was being washed, and it lived up to the hype.

I have visited the car wash twice on my own now, and I must say that the experience has lost some of its glamour. In fact, I don't like it at all. As I was sitting in line waiting my turn yesterday (Wild Wednesday is popular, as you might expect), I realized my stomach was all in knots. I'm not usually a very nervous person.

My least favorite part of the car wash is when I can't see out of the windows because of the soap and/or cleaning cloths. Even though I know the conveyor is pushing me along at the same speed as it is every other car, I have the feeling that I am going to run into the car in front of me. I also get a little claustrophobic.

The good part about the car wash is that it's quick. My claustrophobia and general discomfort only last a couple of minutes, and then I get to enjoy my nice clean car. It's a good reward.

* Not to be confused with Wacky Wednesday. In college, Wacky Wednesday was the day you could get a large pizza (with one topping maybe, although that seems too good to be true) from Hungry Howies for $3.99. Or was it $2.99? It was ridiculously cheap. And delicious.

You don't say

Writing about the aquarium the other day reminded me of a funny story.

A few years ago, I took my neice M to an aquarium. As a side note, she insisted on wearing a pink leotard that had an attached skirt, but it was cold outside. No problem. She wore jeans over the leotard, with the skirt out over the jeans.

Anyway, one of the exhibits at the aquarium was a touch tank that had various animals in it - crabs, shells, small fish. There was a high school volunteer at the tank to offer guidance and information on the creatures.

M and I were the only ones at the tank, so we had the volunteer all to ourselves. Which meant that I had to try very hard not to laugh out loud when she talked about how cool the anemones were. It wasn't that I didn't agree with her about their coolness. It was her pronunciation.

Instead of a-NEM-o-nee, she said AN-i-moan.

I say it like that in my head now. It makes me smile.

Not just for clotheslines anymore

The last time I saw Florida Aunt P and Granny (I don't think I need to be anonymous here, right? Lots of people have a Granny. Plus, I already have a G.), they were gearing up for a new creative endeavor. I am embarrassed to say that I can't remember what it's called. Oh, wait, I remember - Fantasy Animals. These are small animals (of modeling clay, for instance) that are, as you would imagine, not altogether realistic. So maybe a polka-dotted cat wearing high heels and angel wings. You get the picture.

I saw this today and immediately thought of my family. (If you don't have the patience to click on the link, it's a series of pictures of clothespin people - figures made with clothespins.) My favorite is this one.

My mom and I (and other members of my family) used to make clothespin angels, but I must say that we were not nearly as creative. I sense a new project coming on.

Girls weekend, anyone?

Agorophobia

G and I went to Atlanta last weekend. I had a work thing there, and G tagged along. For the fun portion of our visit, we visited the Georgia Aquarium and IKEA. Both were quite amazing.

The Georgia Aquarium opened recently, and it's the largest aquarium in the world. It was mighty impressive. It was jam-packed with people - half could have left, and it still would have been crowded. This is especially noteworthy since they limit the number of tickets they sell per day.

It was neat to see all the animals there (including otters, reef fish, jellyfish, sea lions, beluga whales, and whale sharks). The exhibits were beautiful. Our only complaint was the lack of education. There were some tanks where guests could touch animals (shrimp, anemones, horseshoe crabs), and there were staff at each exhibit to answer questions, but that was just about the extent of the education.

I would recommend the aquarium for its asthetic beauty alone, but I would also recommend going on a weekday. Maybe it would be less crowded.

So then, IKEA. We had never been to an IKEA before. Someone told G to be sure to visit when we were in Atlanta since we are renovating our house and might find some great stuff there. So I dutifully visited the website to do some research. They seemed to have some things we might be interested in, so we put it on our list for Atlanta.

IKEA is quite a phenomenon. This place is huge. It has a day care (which looked very fun), a snack bar, and a restaurant all inside. And the whole store was packed with people! Unbelievable.

We had a limited amount of time to spend at the store, and I'm kind of glad, because it is a place you could wander around for days. The organization of the store leads you on a path through all the departments. The upside is that you don't have to worry about missing anything. The downside is that it is almost impossible to take shortcuts.

The result of the path and all the people made me feel a little like cattle. And guess what happens at the end of the cattle herding? They milk you. For your money. Hee hee. I couldn't resist.

Anyway, we bought a couple of small items, and we will likely order some more stuff online. It was a fun store.

Thinking back, we probably should have skipped the IKEA visit and just ordered everything online. We probably spent more on the cab than we would have on shipping. But I guess we paid for the experience. It was worth it.